Tag: Asperger’s syndrome

Jesper's Posts

E = Eye contact or energy

Posted on by JTCHlife

This week was close to be missing in action as I have been sick since Monday with gastroenteritis but I am feeling better now so I can continue my normal life. Anyway back today’s post where we have reached E, which to me is not hard to find words for so I have decide to pick eye contact and energy since I feel they are both important to me.

Eye contact

The reason I feel eye contact is important is because I feel that NT is finding it important. I used to be bad at it but slowly I am getting better, no thanks to that one lady in kindergarten school who got angry at me for looking at a table because I was crying while she read 4 whole A4 pages with bad things about me. Sorry that was a side track, these days if I know the person well and I am having a good time with the person I can look into the person’s eyes while if I do not know the person much I tend to look at the area of the nose which is between the eyes so it looks like I am looking into their eyes but I am not. I do not remember where I got this trick but seems it has been somewhere on the internet since it can be found so many place with little differences here and there. I feel it is bit hard to do if there are something I “need” to focus at while talking or whatever with the person. I say “need” to focus on because sometime things are there around me I do not need to focus on but still are so noisy or interesting that I cannot stop myself from focusing on it. I think the reason why eye contact is so important to NT is because it show so much body language to the person.

Energy

As for energy I feel that many NT does not notice how much energy a person like me uses to be active all time. In my life these days I have decide to follow the spoon theory which I have wrote about here but shortly told it is away to tell how much energy every thing in your life takes and to easier to explain a NT how we feel. I hope to have energy for more things in my life and I have decide to work on myself so things will be better for myself and for the people, like work and scouts, depending on me.

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Jesper's Posts

C = Clever or clumsy

Posted on by JTCHlife

This week post has 2 words as I feel they are both important for Asperger’s even I am not sure if it is just me or all Asperger’s. The first is clever and the second is clumsy but let us just get started.

Clever

I have picked clever as I feel that there is a lot of people who says people with Asperger’s is clever but needs help with other things and I am not disagreeing about this. The problem is that people like me who seem normal is not discovered as fast as people like that. I am not clever or rather I don’t feel like one but I don’t need as much help as other people but I sure have problems as well. So I guess I am a more normal person on that point. To give an example of clever people I like to think about Rain man who can count the cards but need help with all kinds of things. You would lose money if you tried that with me.

Clumsy

I have picked clumsy as the second word as it is a bit of the opposite of being clever since it means you can do things which will feel stupid or similar. I can’t count how many times I have twisted my food just because of walking on the streets. I have hurt myself so many times that there was a period where I was at the doctor once a week. The only good things about this clumsiness is that I have never broken anything and I got my first gf by falling down a small cliff with head first so I had to go hospital to get checked. I am not sure why I am so clumsy but it fits well that I get driving sick as well so life is not always easy to me.

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Jesper's Posts

B = Bullies

Posted on by JTCHlife

Before we starts then I wanted to say sorry for missing yesterday but I was sick so lost mood and focus but I am back again and will return to publish every wednesday. I just felt the posts was too important to miss.

So back to the alphabet, this week’s letter is B and even that we are not far in the alphabet I feel that is one is one of the important ones for me at least. For the letter B, I have picked bullies which to me is two fold because to me it has two sides. A “Me” side and a “Others” side. I do not know how else to divide it so I can explain it but I cannot write or explain more without ruining the post so let us start with the “Others” side.

Others

The “Others” is the people who have been bullying me during my childhood and leaved me with bad scars in my soul, the only “good” thing about it all is that I did not knew what had happened to me before years after. Yes I was bullied and yes I was bullied a lot, I was also hurt a lot which was often just blame on me becuase I was at “the wrong place, at the wrong time” for anyone to notice that I was not a victim. I have made mostly peace with this part of my life but I wonder what made my class mates do that in the first place like one was a scout, another an army freak meant in a good way and so many others but everyone was evil to me. Good thing a guy tried to break my neck so I could escape for good even I did not understand why at the time.

Me

The reason I made a “Me” side is because I never and will not say I was a good child because I feel I have been a bully as well since if everyone you know have been doing bad things like bullying then how can you know things are not suposed to be like that. I did not know any better and I am not saying it is 100% an Asperger’s thing but we are different from you already and the way we learn things are different as well so not to use it as a bad excuse, but “Sorry that I did not know better” if I could have know it was bad I would have never started doing it back and I would never had held it back from my parents.

Conclusion

In my childhood before escaping the hell of bullies I would say that I was both the victim and the torture as I did know betters. Now-a-days I can bully for fun and see the difference but I guess sometimes the reason I get sick from work or what else I am doing is because I had “enough” of the world, not that I do not love my work or anything else for the matter but I guess it “Beep” up my head, making me sick. Recently started thinking of my go to phsycristist again to get it help to sort the things out and maybe get better that way. I will also use this to say sorry to anyone who felt I was a bully at any time during my life.

“Sorry”

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Jesper's Posts

A = Alone time

Posted on by JTCHlife

I have decided to do each letter individually and not in one post like the alphabet I did the first time.

Today I will like to talk about “alone time” which is a time / place where people like me goes if things gets too much. But it can also be a good time since we can focus on our special interests that way. I like being social but it can really drain my energy if there are too many unknowns at the social event. If I go to work then I am fine because I have an idea about what will happen since work place is where I work. But if I go shopping maybe a person gets annoyed on something I did which is why I love hearing music while I know I am not required to be social so I can use my energy the right places. I love having a time for myself at times so I can relax and connect my thoughts. Guess that is what and why I need alone time at times.

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Jesper's Posts

Asperger’s alphabet part 2

Posted on by JTCHlife

Today I just have a short post today as I don’t know what to write about today and then I remembered I did an alphabet some time back. I have decided to remake that as I feel many of the answers I did was not Asperger’s but more about me as person, not that it was bad to talk about myself but that is not why we are here. I will think good about the letters and answers for next week and give you a better one there.

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Jesper's Posts

Me & meeting people

Posted on by JTCHlife

Today’s post is about me and meeting new people and I will divide into 8 different types of meeting as that is what I have ideas for. I hope it makes sense and that you guys enjoy it.

Total strangers (Alone)

Let us start with people I need to talk to that I meet on my own. It is not that hard for me if I am going shopping and I am at a shop needing help to buy a new controller or such because there is an outcome that I am almost certain of. Fx if I go into a hair salon I know I will get an haircut. If there is no certain outcome, then I won’t just talk to you if you are cute and we are on a bar (I never goto bars or drink alcohol), first of all I would not know where to start and if it was because I wanted to be interested in you I would maybe not say anything as I have a very bad age justment so I do not know if you are a teen or in your 30’s. Of cause I can see you are young or old but age is just a number to me. But if a person starts talking to me about a subject I do not mind talking back.

Total strangers (Family / freinds)

Other type is if I am introduced to a new freind or family member with the help of a freind or family member then things gets more easy as I have someone I know on the one side and I can talk to the person about the stranger if the infomation I need is not something I got from the stanger. Besides there is often an outcome of this so I am not left confused by it like I would be if I am alone.

Total strangers (Work)

Work is very similar to when I meet new people with freinds and family since my workplace always takes good care of me and is used to meet people in that outcome which also means I quickly introduce myself and because I feel it is important for them to know I have Asperger’s I tell them quickly that as well plus suggust them watching Adam so they know a bit more about me in case they do not know Asperger’s.

Group of people (Alone)

Groups of people is harder for me to meet alone than single person because I am often having a hard time focusing on them all in one go, but often I pick out those who seems kind and get to know them first but if too many and I am not supose to connect with them I can get sick if the group of people make the building we are in seem very crowded. I have tried walking into a mall here, while it was black friday and I got so sick that if I was going work I would not have been able to. So groups of people is a bit bad when I am alone no matter if I have to talk to them or not.

Group of people (Family / freinds)

Just fine as the outcome is known, I will still perfer one and one but I can get to talk to people a bit but would feel a bit lost at times as well even not as bad if it is work place or similar

Group of people (Work)

Just fine as the outcome is known, I will still perfer one and one but I can get to talk to people a bit but would feel a bit lost at times as well.

Online freinds

(Not meant in a bad way, just to describe people as I see friends as freinds no matter where they are from)

Meeting online friends in ‘real’ life has not happened to me yet but I am sure they are fine as I know the person I meeting and we have things to talk to from the start so I have an outcome and a good time with them just like I would in an hair salon as back at “Total strangers” part. (I cannot wait to meet Ria later this year 2024)

Surprise meeting

Lets say that I was dating someone and they were worried about how I would react if meeting their parents or family members. I am talking about this because in the movie Adam there is an episode where he finds out that the girl he is with has arranged a meeting with her parents without he knows and gets mad. Let me make this clear, I would not become mad if that happen, I would not mind meeting her family that way but I would have some problems if my girl introduce at a big party or something as if the place is too crowded I would certainly get sick and I do not want to show my bad side. I guess my limit would be 4-5 people at a time.

Conclusion

Meeting new people can be hard for me if too many people and not a known outcome which is also why I hate meetings since I do not know the outcome of them.

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Jesper's Posts

Being blunt

Posted on by JTCHlife

Today I wanna write about being blunt as often if you have Asperger’s you are often more blunt than an NT person because you do not have filters that explain you what is good or bad during an event or something. An example from my life was when my grandma had died and was in the hospital room for the dead, my aunt (child of my grandma) asked if we should sing a song and without think I replied “Are we here to rest the death or here to awake the death?” because in my family we are not very good at singing. My aunt knows me so nothing bad happen but it could have been bad if I did it to another death person’s family.

Why?

The first question I wanna ask is why I do it and to be honest it is because I do not think much about what I say sometimes and yes you are correct “You should just think before you speak” I can do that but if sometimes if I am listening to people talk I am not sure when it is my turn to talk so sometimes I am too slow or telling the person what I though of the things we talked about if more than one person. Being blunt also means I am very honest about things.

How?

The second question is how I do it and I do it because I feel there is no reason to sugarcoat it like NT’s do so the speech “If you want to know the truth ask a drunk or a baby” also means me even I am 34 years old and not drunk very often (last time was 14 years ago, but last alcohol was in July having an Aperol Spritz in Nice)

What?

The last question I want to ask is what can you do and guess if you want to help me then maybe we should all speak more clear about things and if you talk to me and other people on the same time, make room for me to speak.

Conclusion

Being blunt in my mind is better than the sugarcoating NT does because it leaves to so many miss understandings

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Jesper's Posts

Food + Aspergers

Posted on by JTCHlife

Today I want to make a smaller post as I really don’t know what to write about but feel that maybe food could be a good thing. You see, people with Asperger’s and other diagnoses are often picky eaters like 46-89% according to this. They can be picky eaters for many reasons:

Sensory Problems

We can have sensory problems that make us want to have the food in a certain way like it to be hard, have a certain colour and so on.

Bad at eating their food

I didn’t know what to call this but some kids is bad at eating there food so maybe it hits inside the mouth differently which causes it to feel bad and if it feels bad enough we don’t want to eat that again.

Food cravings

Some kids also just get in love with certain foods and then only wants to eat that.

How to fix it

I don’t know how to fix it, but my parents have always been giving us the food I wanted if we were at a restaurant or somewhere else so I didn’t get a child menu or something special meal. If I wanted a fish, I got a fish. So my guess is that the mix that people are afraid of giving kids what they want and that people are eating so much junk food or have time to make some good food for the kids makes many kids picky eaters including people with Asperger’s and diagnoses. We just get hit harder because parents don’t have time to ‘fight’ us.

My meals

Like I said, then my parents always gave me what I wanted and the only problematic food I have is ginger, coffee and for some odd reason mashed potatoes. Otherwise I love trying new foods especially in a foreign country.

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Jesper's Posts

Not knowing the right words

Posted on by JTCHlife

Today I want to talk about not knowing the right words as I feel or rather I know I did it again. In case the title doesn’t make sense then what I mean is sometimes I say things that might be in the best intention but it comes out wrong or at the wrong time.

Example 1

I am talking to a good friend X about how I feel about a date that I feel like my friend Y has put me on when I suddenly notice the time and wants put my attention on making sleep as I know it is a big day tomorrow. I can see now that it comes out bad as X just told the opinion about so it seems like I was blocking C while I was only trying to focus on X’s wellbeing because of the big day tomorrow instead of my stupid mind because of some small thing as a date when X’s is more important to me.

Example 2

I am talking to another good friend Y who has problems with partner Z and instead of saying something kind, I say something bad about Z and even Y is annoyed at Z then suddenly Y is mad at me for speaking my mind instead of being saying the right words.

Questions

I feel so stupid after doing it again recently so please help me answer these questions

  • How to use the right words to show the person you cared?
  • How to use the right words in a clear and meaningful way?
  • Why does my mind sometimes explode and say bad things instead of caring things?
  • Why do I hurt people when I try to show them I care?
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Jesper's Posts

Spoon theory

Posted on by JTCHlife

Today I wanna talk about spoon theory, don’t remember where I learned about it but thanks to the creator it is really helpful for me and I felt I needed to share it with the world

In case anyone want a short post about spoon theory then it is a way to explain how much energy you have each day and how much each event costs to you.

12 spoons

The first thing to know about spoon theory is that on a normal / good day I have 12 spoons to complete the day and they all depends on how good my sleep was… if it was bad I can lose some meaning I might have only 10 spoons that day. I can sometimes borrow some from the day after but I rarely do it as that means I have less for the day after and don’t want that.

List of events and spoon costs

  • Work = 6 spoons
  • Scouts = 1 spoon
  • Boulders = 1 spoon
  • Friends / Family = 1 spoon
  • Cleaning day = 5 spoons
  • Brain routine = 1 spoon

As you can see, depending on how much I do that, it cost more… nothing is ever free but something cost so little it doesn’t count. An important thing to remember about the number of spoons things costs. It is only when things goes smoothly if things goes bad, I suddenly use much more spoons.

A normal day

On a normal day I do everything to make things only cost me 10 spoons as I never know when things goes wrong and suddenly cost more. An example could be that my train was cancelled so I had to travel in a more full train so normally it doesn’t bother me to take train but because of the changes it suddenly cost me 1 spoon.

  • Wake up & morning routine = 1/2 spoon
  • Transport to/from work = 0 spoons
  • Work with a single meeting = 6 spoons
  • Transport to/from scouts = 0 spoons
  • Scouts = 2 spoons
  • Evening routine = 1/2 spoons
  • Brain routine = 1 spoon

That is how my Monday looks if anything is good meaning I have 2 spare spoons.

Help

If you have a friend or family member with Asperger’s or autism it might be helpful for the person to use this to make you understand how their energy is used. I am doing good at normal things but other people might need to use a spoon for something as simple as taking shoes on so respect that people might need more energy than you.

Thanks for listening and I really hope some of you can use it

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