This week’s letter is J and I have decide it stands for jokes. I picked jokes since it is often hard for people with Asperger’s to understand jokes. I remember when I was younger I often didn’t get jokes and when I finally got them people was either way past that joke or if I was lucky telling another joke, so I could hide that I was slow at understanding them. These days I am making jokes on my own and I understand them better since I have started to be able to read people. I still don’t get them every time but most of them I do. I like jokes as long as they are not hurting people even I sometimes can say jokes which might be hurtful by mistakes because it is often hard for me to read the room. As an example, I walked past a woman with a double pushchair and she walked like her kids was in there even they were not and I felt so fresh and in mood to joke that I looked at her death serious and said “you seem to have forgotten the most important thing” and she looked at me and responded “What?” And I could not stop laughing when answering “Your kids” and she luckily started laughing while replying “ohh I know where they are as I just left them” so it was a good day so sometimes that is how I joke but other times I don’t get the jokes. Asperger’s often only read the words no matter how you serious or how happy you maybe look… it is also why we don’t get irony or sarcasm. So next time you joke maybe make sure people around might not all get it
K = King
This week’s letter is K and I have decide it stands for King and no I do not mean like a ruler but I like to think people with Asperger’s might be the king in a game of Chess.
Why, king
Well the reason I see an person with Asperger’s as a king is because we often need help to do things and there are different people and things which do that for us. I am not saying this is a what a psychiatrist or similar would say as this just hit me the other day since we were playing chess at work. Anyway as you know there are king, queen, bishop, knight, rook and pawns in chess
King
I already explained this one but to explain it better then I see us as a king since we need help with different things from different people and things. I also see them as kings since who is seen himself as a pawn unless you talk about work and such plus you are your own master.
Queen
Lets start with the queen, the queen is a strong piece who can move a lot in all directions which to me can be compared to a good mother and later in life a good lover / girlfriend who can help you all the time with things other people do not always see. This is the most important person for a person with Asperger’s
Bishop
The bishop is a good piece as well but can only move diagonal which to me can be compared to a good friend since even you are very good friends, it is sometimes hard for friends to understand what you need and what is wrong at the moment plus they have their own lives so sometimes you follow them for a while before losing them again.
Knight
The knight can jump over other pieces in chess which to me can be compared to having a pet since sometimes you prefer to be away from people but might feel lonely alone which makes a pet a good things since a dog or cat or some other animal can really make life great since they do not demand a lot compared to people at times.
Rook
The rook is a strong piece which can code from the side and be there which to me can be compared to siblings as they understand you better than a friend might do and they often jump in front of you or cover you if you need help since they care about you deeply.
Pawn
The pawn might not be the strongest piece on the board but you know that once you reach the end of the board with one you can change it into whatever piece you want. This compares to life as at first a person might not be important in your life, but once you get to know them they might slowly become something else and depending on how well things goes you might have a queen.
J = Job
This week’s letter is J and I have decide it stands for Job even that I for a moment thought I should write Jesper since that is my name and that way talk about myself but I feel I do that already. Btw sorry that I was so slow to return here, I will be better now.
Job
I have decided to pick job out of the millions of words with J since Jobs is very important in life and no matter if you have one or don’t, I often feel that NT often forget that people with special needs have special needs.
Hiring
The first problem is that people often only hire those people who fits the role 100% and doesn’t look for people with special needs making it a bit hard for us to get a job but if you have a good job and allows us to thrive I am certain that your company will benefit from having a special needs person hired. As for the people with needs I think you should try find a field that both covers your abilities, your skills and your interests, I know you can say that to everyone but I feel it is very important for people with Asperger’s and others since it is hard to just do something you don’t like when you have limited energy already.
Work and workload
Just look at me I am working for a software company and I am only able to do 25 hours a week plus I have Wednesday and weekends as days off. I am lucky for that since I would not have enough energy for a normal work schedule and because I am working at a software company I am also able have some good assignments that used my abilities instead of just working at a shop with no good schedule or assignments that is inside my abilities. I know that not all people can be as lucky as me on that point but no matter what they need a job as well and that is where you come in. You are probably wondering why I say you even you the reader might not have a company or a position where you can hire someone but no matter who you are, you can always help a person with needs do his job and help he fit in instead of seeing him as something else. I think that most work places could benefit if people helped each other out instead of competing with each other. I get that some people are hard to work with or maybe you need to grow inside your own work.
Work is better than no work
Maybe your favourite thing is not able on the job market at the moment but then you should start small instead of just doing nothing since doing nothing just ends up ruining your opportunities so if you want a job as a teacher try become a scout leader, if you want to work as a programmer try find some online courses to learn so you don’t just walk around doing nothing since you need to learn the routine of working anyway
Talks
I know some bosses are bad but I am 100% sure that most people are good people so I guess it better to tell your boss you need something instead of keeping it a secret since why not get the help you can and need instead go home with pain every day because you needed a better mouse for the computer or similar. I am not saying you will get yes for everything but why not try.
Conclusion
Work can / will be hard but find something you like with your skill and interest. If you can’t find a job try give yourself some routine and get better at your skills
I = Identity
This week’s letter is H and I have decide it stands for identity
Identity
I have decided that I stands for identity as I feel it is a very important word that many people forget. Asperger’s might be a sickness or disability depending on who you ask but no matter what I do it will also be part of my identity that I cannot change just like you cannot your eye color. Some people with Asperger’s is hit harder than me so of course I do not speak for them but I am very open about my Asperger’s and I have been happy to know why I am different from others and I would not change my life by remove my Asperger’s since I have to learn life again if I did. I do not want drugs or anything and would not even if I was the last person with Asperger’s I am happy to be the way I am. I do not know what else to say other than stay true to yourself and if people want do you harm they will do it no matter what, trust me.
H = Help
This week’s letter is H and I have decide it stands for Help since I just had a period with too much things going on which is also why I have been away. But now I am back and things are good again except that my alarm clock did not ring as for some reason my phone was not charging during the night.
Help
People need help and sometime people with Asperger’s need more help that others like fx in Denmark we have something called FLEX job which is a good way to help people who cannot work full time. It means after testing I can work 25 hours a week while people I work with respects my needs. The work place gets paid for my sick days and some of my salary in return for making me able to work instead of walking around at home with little to no income. I am glad that exist as I am not sure I would have been able to work 37 hours a week which is the normal here without being sick often. Other people with Asperger’s or other diagnoses might have a hard time with more simple things like ordering food, talk to people, get dressed or showering. I sometimes need things explained to me but once I get them I often have no problems doing them. This is why I have decide that H stands for help since I also feel that people are slowly turning into one man armies who sees it as weakness to help the poor or those in need and get as rich as possible instead of helping people and make the army the entire country, make the country and the world a better place to in. If you need a good example of this then I think you should watch Rain Man as I feel it shows how people can be sometimes. It both shows how we with Asperger’s and other diagnosis need help and show that people wants to be rich or have fame even it is from 1989. Enjoy watching.
Conclusion
We do not always know we need help and some of us need more help than others so always respect people’s differences.
G = Groups
This week’s letter is G and I have decided that it stands for groups since I think it is a major thing. My experiences with groups have been both good and bad. Let us start with the bad because I think most people with Asperger’s experience that those things.
Bad
Group work -> I am bad in classes since people are bad at helping each other and I feel like I lose track of things since no one has a clear line about what will happen. One time in high school I was getting into a group with two girls I did not talk to much and even that I said they could contact me any time so we could do the assignment together they never did and I ended up failing the assignment since I had been so focused with other things that I forgot about it. Not 100% their fault but still they did not give me a chance.
Class (Noisy area) -> I am fine with noisy areas mostly so cannot speak about that but I get why it is hard to focus. But if there is too many people in the room I can get sick from it. One time I tried to learn a bit about myself so I went to the mall on black Friday and I got sick from being there for less than 15mins even I had a plan and a goal for the day. These days I can just use noise cancelling headphones.
Good
Scouts -> I am good at group assignments when I at the scouts because I feel that at scouts you do what you are good at while others do what they are good at and that way things get done instead of people who bad at chopping wood gets to do that and so on
Work -> I am good in groups at work since it is a bit similar to scouts plus there is a boss telling what needing to be done.
Conclusion
If you want to help your fellow Asperger’s and make them have a good time, do not always bring them to a noisy area.
F = Fake
This week’s letter is F and I have decided that it stands for fake and before you all go nuts then I am not saying Asperger’s is fake. I have picked fake because 2 things. 1. Fake news and 2. Being called ‘Fake’, which I will come back to. Normally I would have divided this into 2 headlines but I feel they are so connected that you cannot really divide them completely. Both of the things hurt me deeply and if you do any of them to me I would say it is more than being a bully without knowing the correct word. So the fake news that hurts me is that so many people seems to not want to give their kids vaccines because they have gotten some crazy idea that vaccines gives kids Asperger’s, autism and diagnoses like that and it really don’t. I don’t want to argue about it here unless necessary so here is a link that explains what happened back when it was suggested. As finally words about this I just want to say it is really hurting me to know people rather want their kids to have problems with curable diseases than have a kid like me. Back to my other part of fake… the other part of fake is being called fake and by that I mean literally what I say on the label, that people think you are faking it. I am not sure why people say it but I think it is because I am living in a rich country where it is possible to get help or just something as simple as you being jealous on me. My experience with being called fake was not directly at me but I still felt hurt. It was two older ladies who were seating in a train next to me and their subject was that Asperger’s was fake. They talk about that we “Asperger’s” just did it to get attention and get free money from the government and so on. Well if people knew how much I have done to get to where I am today then they would be chocked I hope. I didn’t have an easy beginner because of bullies, I could not get my dream job at the time because people couldn’t see past it but when the puzzles suddenly was built I have been having a great life. I still need a bit of help but I am giving back to that by being able to pay taxes and such things now. Plus for the record it would be harder for me to live if I just took the “free” money so it wouldn’t be a luxury but more a necessity if I needed to do that. Guess that was all I had on my mind for this week.
E = Eye contact or energy
This week was close to be missing in action as I have been sick since Monday with gastroenteritis but I am feeling better now so I can continue my normal life. Anyway back today’s post where we have reached E, which to me is not hard to find words for so I have decide to pick eye contact and energy since I feel they are both important to me.
Eye contact
The reason I feel eye contact is important is because I feel that NT is finding it important. I used to be bad at it but slowly I am getting better, no thanks to that one lady in kindergarten school who got angry at me for looking at a table because I was crying while she read 4 whole A4 pages with bad things about me. Sorry that was a side track, these days if I know the person well and I am having a good time with the person I can look into the person’s eyes while if I do not know the person much I tend to look at the area of the nose which is between the eyes so it looks like I am looking into their eyes but I am not. I do not remember where I got this trick but seems it has been somewhere on the internet since it can be found so many place with little differences here and there. I feel it is bit hard to do if there are something I “need” to focus at while talking or whatever with the person. I say “need” to focus on because sometime things are there around me I do not need to focus on but still are so noisy or interesting that I cannot stop myself from focusing on it. I think the reason why eye contact is so important to NT is because it show so much body language to the person.
Energy
As for energy I feel that many NT does not notice how much energy a person like me uses to be active all time. In my life these days I have decide to follow the spoon theory which I have wrote about here but shortly told it is away to tell how much energy every thing in your life takes and to easier to explain a NT how we feel. I hope to have energy for more things in my life and I have decide to work on myself so things will be better for myself and for the people, like work and scouts, depending on me.
D = Different
Before we start I would like to say sorry for missing last week but too much was going on so lost focus on this but really want to have a habit of writing a post here every week.
Anyway back to why you are here. This week’s letter is D which I have decided should stand for different. Before you start telling me that yes of course Asperger’s and Neurotypical’s are different from each other then that of course is part of my post today but the thing I want to say with big words today is people with Asperger’s can be different as well so just because you have a family member with Asperger’s doesn’t mean that you know everything about it as we are unique people just like Neurotypical’s and sometimes it brothers me that just because I have Asperger’s some people except me to do certain things. Fx I don’t know how to count cards, I know how to walk the streets so I don’t mind red lights like in the movie Rain man. But instead I can be sick from stress which I guess is because I was bullied a lot in my childhood. That brings me to the other kind of different, kids don’t tease or bully other kids because of their Asperger’s or other things like that as they don’t know it, but they do it because the person is different so maybe we should spend time with our kids to learn them that people are different even though we look the same just like we have to treat people from other cultures and countries differently in good ways. So lets us treat all people with the same respect and kindness we want ourself.
C = Clever or clumsy
This week post has 2 words as I feel they are both important for Asperger’s even I am not sure if it is just me or all Asperger’s. The first is clever and the second is clumsy but let us just get started.
Clever
I have picked clever as I feel that there is a lot of people who says people with Asperger’s is clever but needs help with other things and I am not disagreeing about this. The problem is that people like me who seem normal is not discovered as fast as people like that. I am not clever or rather I don’t feel like one but I don’t need as much help as other people but I sure have problems as well. So I guess I am a more normal person on that point. To give an example of clever people I like to think about Rain man who can count the cards but need help with all kinds of things. You would lose money if you tried that with me.
Clumsy
I have picked clumsy as the second word as it is a bit of the opposite of being clever since it means you can do things which will feel stupid or similar. I can’t count how many times I have twisted my food just because of walking on the streets. I have hurt myself so many times that there was a period where I was at the doctor once a week. The only good things about this clumsiness is that I have never broken anything and I got my first gf by falling down a small cliff with head first so I had to go hospital to get checked. I am not sure why I am so clumsy but it fits well that I get driving sick as well so life is not always easy to me.
You but different 